(Names are changed)
A controversial photo appeared in 1989 called "Piss Christ" (click on the title of this post to be taken to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piss_Christ) It garnered a lot of attention primarily because an anti-National Endowment for the Arts group used it as exhibit one in its attempt to cut or eliminate tax-payer funding of the NEA. The photo was of a crucifix submerged in a beaker of urine - the artist's own urine. The argument was that tax payers who were offended by such displays should not have to have their tax dollars go to fund the work. The NEA really took a beating and was made to look like they were anti-Christian, anti-Christ (double meaning intended), and pro-atheist. The photo had a different impact on me - it reminded me of an event from my childhood that I had suppressed so well that I had never thought of it for almost 30 years. Here's the story as I remember it now.
I grew up in a small town where the largest facility owned and operated by one organization was the First Baptist Church. I lived across the street from the church and was there many times a week. This was facilitated by the closeness of the building, the lack of other things to do in my hometown, and the fact that my best friend was the minister's son.
In the late 50s the First Baptist congregation decided to build a new church that was bigger and more modern. The new facility would open coincidentally about the time that my best friend, let's call him Jay, and I were scheduled to be baptised.
Jay and I worked at the church during summer break from school. We were working one day cleaning the books in the church library when the pastor, Jay's father, we'll call him Brother Bennett told us to wash our hands and meet him at the back door of the Education Building. Brother Bennett took us to the "custard stand" for milk shakes and we were pretty fired up about that - we must have been about 10 or 11 years old. When we got back to the church parking lot, Brother Bennett asked us to stay in the car for a little conversation. I remember being very nervous, all three of us in the front seat with my legs sweating and sticking to the clear vinyl seat cover and my face cold from the after-factory air-conditioner blowing out tiny pieces of ice. The heat and humidity in Magnolia, Mississippi made all the air-conditioners do that.
Brother Bennett took a quarter out of his pocket and held it out to me saying, "Here Bill, I'm going to give you a quarter." I held my hand below where he was holding the quarter expecting him to drop it into my palm but he didn't. After an awkward pause he asked, "Bill, do you want this quarter or not?" After saying that I did want it he said, "well, why don't you have it?" I said, "cause you're not giving it to me?" Finally to end my torture he told me to take it from his hand so I did. He then went into that "preacher voice" to explain that this is how God's grace is - it's freely offered and being held out to you but you have to take it - Jesus wants you to take it. This of course led to a discussion about our readiness to reach out and take that gift that Jesus was holding out to us. At the end of the discussion both Jay and I had agreed to "come forward" that Sunday as the congregation sang the "invitation hymn" (Just as I Am) and "publicly acknowledge that we had accepted Christ as our personal Lord and Savior and desired to be baptised into the church." The congregation would then get to vote on accepting us or not! Some time after that we would be completely immersed (I thought of it as "dunked" in a big tank of water) just like Jesus had been immersed by John the Baptist.
I vaguely remember that there was a mild controversy about when we would be baptized because the new church building wasn't going to be ready for several months. Two other kids our age came forward about a month after we did and there was a push to have a service at a river (really like Jesus). Brother Bennett wanted to wait because he wanted his oldest son to be the first person baptized in the new baptistry in the new building. He won, we waited.
The evening of our baptism came and I was very nervous. We hung our "church clothes" in the dressing room so that we could change into these dry things after the dunking. I was a little scandalized that we would actually be going through the most important religious ritual of our lives in blue jeans and t-shirts but of course we had on long white robes so no one could see the jeans anyway.
We had "practiced" in the baptistry without water. I remember clearly that we were supposed to stand on the top step until Brother Bennett said our name and then slowly step down into the water. Jay and I would come into the water at the same time and we were to walk slowly to the front of the baptistry so that the church members could see our faces while Brother Bennett said a few words about each of us. We were, "under no circumstances," to put our hands on the glass panel that we were looking over - this was stressed many times. After Brother Bennett finished with his words I was to move out of the way to my right while he baptized Jay. After he was done with Jay and Jay had moved to our left out of view I was to step over facing Brother Bennett. He would ask me if I desired to be baptised (this would be a hell of a time to decide to back out but I guess it's necessary, kind of like that "if anyone can show cause why this couple should not be joined at this time..." in weddings) and I should of course say, "yes, I do." Then he would put one hand behind my neck, I would put a handkerchief over my nose and he would put his other hand on my arm to lower me slowly beneath the surface of the water. Once I was submerged he would say, "I baptize thee in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. AMEN." Then he would raise me up (yikes - the symbolism of that just hit me!). We were warned that our feet may float free while we were under water and that could cause one to panic but we should know that he had done several hundreds of these and he had never drowned a single person. (Preachers have such great senses of humor!) After I came up I was to walk to the left and Jay and I were to quietly and slowly exit on the steps opposite the ones on which we had entered. While we were exiting the two others - Robert and Carmen would be entering. We were to walk slowly (so as not to make sloshing noises during their part of the ceremony) to the dressing room to change into the "church clothes" so that we could go to a reception where there would be cake and punch and those buttery mints that are pastel colors...but I digress.
The four of us were shaking with fear as we walked from the dressing room to the top of the steps leading into the baptistry. Brother Bennett had chest-high black wading boots on under his robe - the ones he normally wore duck hunting which seemed a little unfair to me but he was the unquestionable authority figure of the church and we had come too far to turn back! The curtains were closed so that no one in the church could see him or us so he turned to us while the congregation was singing, "Shall We Gather at the River" and he whispered, "Jay, Bill, the water is a little cold so be careful not to gasp or make a loud noise when you first feel it. As a matter of fact, why don't y'all come on down to the first step so your feet get used to it. This is the next to last verse so we'll be starting real soon." Then he got very serious and said, "Do NOT put your hands on the glass when I bring you down front." The song ended and the curtain automatically opened - showtime!
The water was the coldest I had ever felt - there was no hot water in the mix at all. The janitor did not know how to use the new equipment and he had only opened one valve - the cold one. As we descended into the water my body became numb first and then started to tingle and burn. Adding the shiver of being cold to the shaking of nervousness made both of us leave waves in the surface of the baptismal water.
Of course, both of us put our hands on the glass panel and Brother Bennett actually reached over and slapped our hands! I felt my face turn red but frankly was thankful for the heat. I moved out of the way on cue as Jay was immersed. I glanced up to where the next two kids were standing and saw that Robert's socks were wet even though he had not stepped into the water. As I watched a puddle started to form around his feet and I realized that he was peeing in his pants and the urine was starting to flow down the slanted step toward the water in the baptistry! My eyes bugged out because I was not even being asked if I wanted to be baptised yet so by the time I was lowered into the water that water was going to have pee in it. Everything seemed now to be in slow motion - I glanced back and forth from Brother Bennett who seemed to be holding his son under the water for a long time to the pee which was inching slowly toward the water. When Jay moved out of the way I moved way too fast toward Brother Bennett. When he asked me about desiring to be baptized in his booming preacher voice I answered "yes" before he finished and I heard laughter ripple through the congregation. I immediately put the handkerchief over my nose before I was supposed to and was trying so hard to hurry Brother Bennett that my feet drifted off the floor as my head went under and of course I thrashed around and made lots of noise. Coming up I headed as quickly as possible to Jay and we went up the steps loudly and quickly to get out of the tainted water! I told Jay what had happened and we were in the dressing room giggling and laughing hysterically when Brother Bennett opened the door with a stern look on his face. We both got very quiet and he said, "Jay, Bill I'm disappointed that you two are back here acting like children when tonight you became members of God's church. I started to cry quietly and he said, "Never tell anyone what happened with Robert tonight - only God knows why that happened and we may never know but we will never mention it right?" We both nodded our heads and went down to the community room for cake, punch and mints and never mentioned it again. It was buried, out of reach of my memory until I saw the photo of "Piss Christ."
Art is supposed to evoke emotion and reaction. A playwright, director, founder of a theater told me once that if there were 50 people in his audience there were 50 different plays performed because his art was meant to evoke from each person their own reaction/emotion. I'm sure when Andres Serrano created Piss Christ he knew that it would evoke a world of reactions and emotions and it did! I'm guessing even he could not have imagined mine!
A controversial photo appeared in 1989 called "Piss Christ" (click on the title of this post to be taken to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piss_Christ) It garnered a lot of attention primarily because an anti-National Endowment for the Arts group used it as exhibit one in its attempt to cut or eliminate tax-payer funding of the NEA. The photo was of a crucifix submerged in a beaker of urine - the artist's own urine. The argument was that tax payers who were offended by such displays should not have to have their tax dollars go to fund the work. The NEA really took a beating and was made to look like they were anti-Christian, anti-Christ (double meaning intended), and pro-atheist. The photo had a different impact on me - it reminded me of an event from my childhood that I had suppressed so well that I had never thought of it for almost 30 years. Here's the story as I remember it now.
I grew up in a small town where the largest facility owned and operated by one organization was the First Baptist Church. I lived across the street from the church and was there many times a week. This was facilitated by the closeness of the building, the lack of other things to do in my hometown, and the fact that my best friend was the minister's son.
In the late 50s the First Baptist congregation decided to build a new church that was bigger and more modern. The new facility would open coincidentally about the time that my best friend, let's call him Jay, and I were scheduled to be baptised.
Jay and I worked at the church during summer break from school. We were working one day cleaning the books in the church library when the pastor, Jay's father, we'll call him Brother Bennett told us to wash our hands and meet him at the back door of the Education Building. Brother Bennett took us to the "custard stand" for milk shakes and we were pretty fired up about that - we must have been about 10 or 11 years old. When we got back to the church parking lot, Brother Bennett asked us to stay in the car for a little conversation. I remember being very nervous, all three of us in the front seat with my legs sweating and sticking to the clear vinyl seat cover and my face cold from the after-factory air-conditioner blowing out tiny pieces of ice. The heat and humidity in Magnolia, Mississippi made all the air-conditioners do that.
Brother Bennett took a quarter out of his pocket and held it out to me saying, "Here Bill, I'm going to give you a quarter." I held my hand below where he was holding the quarter expecting him to drop it into my palm but he didn't. After an awkward pause he asked, "Bill, do you want this quarter or not?" After saying that I did want it he said, "well, why don't you have it?" I said, "cause you're not giving it to me?" Finally to end my torture he told me to take it from his hand so I did. He then went into that "preacher voice" to explain that this is how God's grace is - it's freely offered and being held out to you but you have to take it - Jesus wants you to take it. This of course led to a discussion about our readiness to reach out and take that gift that Jesus was holding out to us. At the end of the discussion both Jay and I had agreed to "come forward" that Sunday as the congregation sang the "invitation hymn" (Just as I Am) and "publicly acknowledge that we had accepted Christ as our personal Lord and Savior and desired to be baptised into the church." The congregation would then get to vote on accepting us or not! Some time after that we would be completely immersed (I thought of it as "dunked" in a big tank of water) just like Jesus had been immersed by John the Baptist.
I vaguely remember that there was a mild controversy about when we would be baptized because the new church building wasn't going to be ready for several months. Two other kids our age came forward about a month after we did and there was a push to have a service at a river (really like Jesus). Brother Bennett wanted to wait because he wanted his oldest son to be the first person baptized in the new baptistry in the new building. He won, we waited.
The evening of our baptism came and I was very nervous. We hung our "church clothes" in the dressing room so that we could change into these dry things after the dunking. I was a little scandalized that we would actually be going through the most important religious ritual of our lives in blue jeans and t-shirts but of course we had on long white robes so no one could see the jeans anyway.
We had "practiced" in the baptistry without water. I remember clearly that we were supposed to stand on the top step until Brother Bennett said our name and then slowly step down into the water. Jay and I would come into the water at the same time and we were to walk slowly to the front of the baptistry so that the church members could see our faces while Brother Bennett said a few words about each of us. We were, "under no circumstances," to put our hands on the glass panel that we were looking over - this was stressed many times. After Brother Bennett finished with his words I was to move out of the way to my right while he baptized Jay. After he was done with Jay and Jay had moved to our left out of view I was to step over facing Brother Bennett. He would ask me if I desired to be baptised (this would be a hell of a time to decide to back out but I guess it's necessary, kind of like that "if anyone can show cause why this couple should not be joined at this time..." in weddings) and I should of course say, "yes, I do." Then he would put one hand behind my neck, I would put a handkerchief over my nose and he would put his other hand on my arm to lower me slowly beneath the surface of the water. Once I was submerged he would say, "I baptize thee in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. AMEN." Then he would raise me up (yikes - the symbolism of that just hit me!). We were warned that our feet may float free while we were under water and that could cause one to panic but we should know that he had done several hundreds of these and he had never drowned a single person. (Preachers have such great senses of humor!) After I came up I was to walk to the left and Jay and I were to quietly and slowly exit on the steps opposite the ones on which we had entered. While we were exiting the two others - Robert and Carmen would be entering. We were to walk slowly (so as not to make sloshing noises during their part of the ceremony) to the dressing room to change into the "church clothes" so that we could go to a reception where there would be cake and punch and those buttery mints that are pastel colors...but I digress.
The four of us were shaking with fear as we walked from the dressing room to the top of the steps leading into the baptistry. Brother Bennett had chest-high black wading boots on under his robe - the ones he normally wore duck hunting which seemed a little unfair to me but he was the unquestionable authority figure of the church and we had come too far to turn back! The curtains were closed so that no one in the church could see him or us so he turned to us while the congregation was singing, "Shall We Gather at the River" and he whispered, "Jay, Bill, the water is a little cold so be careful not to gasp or make a loud noise when you first feel it. As a matter of fact, why don't y'all come on down to the first step so your feet get used to it. This is the next to last verse so we'll be starting real soon." Then he got very serious and said, "Do NOT put your hands on the glass when I bring you down front." The song ended and the curtain automatically opened - showtime!
The water was the coldest I had ever felt - there was no hot water in the mix at all. The janitor did not know how to use the new equipment and he had only opened one valve - the cold one. As we descended into the water my body became numb first and then started to tingle and burn. Adding the shiver of being cold to the shaking of nervousness made both of us leave waves in the surface of the baptismal water.
Of course, both of us put our hands on the glass panel and Brother Bennett actually reached over and slapped our hands! I felt my face turn red but frankly was thankful for the heat. I moved out of the way on cue as Jay was immersed. I glanced up to where the next two kids were standing and saw that Robert's socks were wet even though he had not stepped into the water. As I watched a puddle started to form around his feet and I realized that he was peeing in his pants and the urine was starting to flow down the slanted step toward the water in the baptistry! My eyes bugged out because I was not even being asked if I wanted to be baptised yet so by the time I was lowered into the water that water was going to have pee in it. Everything seemed now to be in slow motion - I glanced back and forth from Brother Bennett who seemed to be holding his son under the water for a long time to the pee which was inching slowly toward the water. When Jay moved out of the way I moved way too fast toward Brother Bennett. When he asked me about desiring to be baptized in his booming preacher voice I answered "yes" before he finished and I heard laughter ripple through the congregation. I immediately put the handkerchief over my nose before I was supposed to and was trying so hard to hurry Brother Bennett that my feet drifted off the floor as my head went under and of course I thrashed around and made lots of noise. Coming up I headed as quickly as possible to Jay and we went up the steps loudly and quickly to get out of the tainted water! I told Jay what had happened and we were in the dressing room giggling and laughing hysterically when Brother Bennett opened the door with a stern look on his face. We both got very quiet and he said, "Jay, Bill I'm disappointed that you two are back here acting like children when tonight you became members of God's church. I started to cry quietly and he said, "Never tell anyone what happened with Robert tonight - only God knows why that happened and we may never know but we will never mention it right?" We both nodded our heads and went down to the community room for cake, punch and mints and never mentioned it again. It was buried, out of reach of my memory until I saw the photo of "Piss Christ."
Art is supposed to evoke emotion and reaction. A playwright, director, founder of a theater told me once that if there were 50 people in his audience there were 50 different plays performed because his art was meant to evoke from each person their own reaction/emotion. I'm sure when Andres Serrano created Piss Christ he knew that it would evoke a world of reactions and emotions and it did! I'm guessing even he could not have imagined mine!
Comments